Barney's Blog

Home is where the heart is

Evening all, Barney McGrew here again - undisputed King of Denton Hall.

Well, the big news round here is that Chloe’s home from Bahrain. Phew, what a relief!

It’s great news, of course, because we’ve all been worried sick about her in the middle of a war zone, with all those crazy humans firing missiles and drones at each other.

I’ve known Chloe and her twin sister, Sophie, since they were nippers so I’ve been at the end of my tether, waiting for her to get back safe and sound.

But what does she do the moment she’s home? She makes a beeline for bloody Roaring Ralph! He’s her 'favourite' and she’s all excited because he's won a couple of races while she’s been away. BIG DEAL!

No sooner was she off the plane than she slavvering all over him, giving him cuddles, and saying: “Hello Ralphy - have you missed me?” I nearly threw up! That's them in the picture below.

She eventually came round to my field to see me but it was too late by then - I was a clear second best. And she didn’t even bring me a present back from Bahrain! I know there’s a bloody war on but that doesn’t mean they’ve run out of carrots, does it?

Chloe even got a homecoming present from the Andrew Miller human, who’s normally a right tight-arse. “Ooh, I’ve got you some peach melbas from the bakery, Chloe - hope you like them.” Bloody crawler!  He’s more full of sh*t than the muck heap.

Anyway, it is good news that Chloe’s home because you don’t know what’s gonna happen with that Donald Trump human in charge. He’s the one who uses tanning lotion to turn himself into a chestnut, and uses hairspray to keep his dodgy mane in place. Stupid bugger. I've met some dumb humans in my time but he takes the biscuit.

All we need now is to get my mates Commanche Falls and Northern Express home safe. They’ve been in Bahrain since before Christmas, so hooves crossed that they get back soon.

I’ve had a couple of postcards from Commy and Northy, saying they like it over there because it’s a lot warmer. Nevertheless, I won’t be properly settled until they’re back where they belong. And when I’m anxious, I need more carrots. Just saying...

BY the way, can you believe The Gaffer? Poor Chloe had been travelling all day Sunday and Monday, dodging drones, and he still made her ride out on Tuesday morning.

You’d have thought he’d have given her a lie-in for once in his life. Miserable bugger.

ANYWAY, onto other matters. I’m pleased to report that the new batch of young uns are settling in well ahead of the start of the flat turf season.

It’s funny seeing them going up the gallops, not really knowing what to do but they’ll soon get the hang of it.

I keep telling them: “Don’t worry about it - the Kenny Williams human’s been here for donkeys’ years and he still hasn’t got a clue either!”

AS you may have seen from my last blog, the website finally has a picture of Camera Shy (see below). Took bloody ages to get him to pose though.

He’s like my Carole - she hates having her picture taken. I’m the opposite - I love being in the limelight. That’s cos I’m trot-dead gorgeous!

DID you see that story in the papers about the world's oldest horse making it into the Guinness Book of Records? 

She's a mare called Fancy who lives in a place called Virginia, in America, and she's reached the grand old age of 37.

I'm 23 this year, so I've got another 14 to go to equal the record - unless Fancy keeps on going.

We all know the secret of a long life - CARROTS! I want to be the world's oldest horse, so send 'em in by a lorry-load!

FINALLY, back to the aforementioned Kenny Williams. I’m sorry to report he hasn’t been well with food poisoning. 

He’s not the sharpest tool in the box, our Kenny, and the silly sod ate a daffodil bulb, mistaking it for a shallot.

He’s had to spend some time in hospital...but the good news is he was out by Spring!

THATS all from me, folks, I’ll be back with another blog soon. Bring carrots. Lots of love.

• Main picture shows Chloe finally getting round to see me - empty-handed - in my field.