Barney's Blog

I spy with my little eye

Hello everyone, Barney McGrew here again with another epic blog.

Well, they call us horses ‘dumb animals’ but it never ceases to amaze me how bloody stupid humans are.

Let’s take this Spygate business involving Middlesbrough Football Club. Here’s my step-by-step understanding of the situation:

1. Southampton send a young lad up to Boro’s training ground to take covert photographs and video from behind a tree.
2. Whilst an inquiry is launched by the football authorities, Middlesbrough fans dress up in camouflage – some pretending to be trees and bushes – while they watch the play-off semi-final against Southampton.
3. Southampton beat Boro 1-0 but then get kicked out for “spying” on Boro.
4. Boro go on to play Hull in the final but can’t muster a single shot on goal and lose 1-0, so it was all a waste of bloody time anyway.

Do you see what I mean? Don’t ever, ever call us animals dumb!

ANYWAY, it seems all this Spygate business has given other people ideas because a young human from a rival yard was caught with a camera in the bushes overlooking our gallops at Denton last week.

One of our horses was doing a solo canter but when it saw the lens sticking out of the foliage, it suddenly spooked, jumped a fence, ran back to its box, and covered itself in hay.

Turns out it was Camera Shy!

ALL of which brings me to Brain Freeze winning his first race at Redcar on Monday with my pal, the Rhys Elliott human, riding a cracker.

There’s a canny human called Ronnie Evans, who’s one of the partners with an interest in the horse that's owned by Ian Davison.

Along with Ronnie, there’s Bernard Dolan, Alan Fairhurst, and Neil Hassall. A bit of a rabble, if you ask me, but they mean no harm.

The first letters of their names B (Bernard) R (Ronnie) A (Alan) I (Ian) and N (Neil) spells BRAIN and, apparently, that’s what inspired Ian's wife to come up with the name. Not sure where she got FREEZE from and I couldn’t be arsed trying to find out.

Anyway, back to Ronnie. He’s a Middlesbrough Fan and he was among those poor Teesside humans who went all the way to Wembley for the Spygate final, only to be left heartbroken by Boro’s defeat.

It was his 77th birthday on Monday when Brain Freeze won, but the horse had to survive a stewards’ inquiry before the result was confirmed.

“I’m not sure I can take any more stress,” said Ronnie as he was waiting for the result of the inquiry to come through.

Thankfully, all’s well that ends well, and here’s a picture of King Ronnie, sitting on a throne in the owners’ lounge at Redcar. Shapely legs - shame about the shirt.

Happy Birthday, Ronnie! Up The Boro!

ON the way back from Redcar in the horsebox, the Andrew Miller human was having his usual whinge to Travelling Head Lad, the Kenny Williams human.

It was all about the cost of living going up and how he doesn’t get paid enough for “being the best worker in the yard”. It’s what’s become known as “the Miller moan”.

Anyway, while he was mid-moan, the horsebox was pulled over by an unmarked police car and Kenny wound the window down to speak to the cops.

“We’re looking for two bank robbers,” said one of the officers.

“We’re in!” replied Miller.

No wonder he looks after Brain Freeze, eh?

ON a happier note, I love it when I get sent photos to use in my blog, so big thanks to the Chloe human for this picture of Dakota Gold and Roaring Ralph enjoying the sunshine together in the field.

“I think they’re making friends,” said Chloe.

I don't mind admitting – I’m a bit jealous.

FINALLY, back to the Kenny Williams human – I’m sorry to hear he hasn’t been well again.

He went to see the doctor and said: “Every time I stand up, I see Mickey Mouse. And every time I bend over, I see Donald Duck.”

The doctor checked his pulse, took some bloods, and asked: “How long have you been having these Disney spells?”

That’s all from me for another week, folks. Lots of love. Send carrots.