Barney's Blog

Wagging tongues

Hi everyone, drop dead gorgeous Barney McGrew here again with another tongue-in-cheek blog.

Now, as you all know, I’m seen as a mentor to the young horses round here. I advise them on how to behave – especially in public – and they know I’m a stickler for good manners.

Take Northern Brave, one of the horses owned by those nice humans at The Sekura Group. He has a habit of sticking his tongue out, and I’ve been doing my best to explain to him that it’s rude.

“Don’t keep sticking your tongue out, Bravey – it’s impolite and we need to set a high standard of behaviour to show the humans that we’re the superior species,” I told him, just the other day.

“Sorry, Barney, I can’t help it,” he replied. “I don’t even know I’m doing it – but I promise I’ll try to get out of the habit.”

Well, that was good enough for me, and off he went in the horsebox to Beverley Races the other day.

Imagine how I felt when I saw the picture below. Not only did Northern Brave stick his tongue out in the parade ring – but so did his handler, the Lauren Mulholland human, who should know better.

Give me strength! How am I supposed to teach young horses to be better mannered when the humans around here behave like that? I expect it of the Andrew Miller human but not Lauren!

Sadly, I’ve had no option but to advise The Gaffer to bring her in front of a disciplinary panel for bringing the yard into disrepute.

I think we’re going to have to try her with a tongue-tie to help her concentrate.

ONTO other matters, like the recent open day at Denton Hall. By all accounts, it was another big success, with hundreds of humans descending on Denton Hall for a look round as part of National Racehorse Week.

I’m pleased to say that lots of them came to say hello to me and Dakota Gold in our field. (There's a nice picture of some humans visiting us below.)

I had to explain to Goldy that they were really there to see me, but he didn’t seem to mind. As long as he knows his place, we’ll get along just fine.

It was nice to see the level of interest in horse racing, with visitors able to see some horses on the gallops, wander round the stables, and watch demonstrations, including the farriers and physios at work.

I must admit, it’s like a bloody equine hotel round here. Us horses want for nothing.

There was also a question-and-answer session with The Gaffer, his daughter, Chloe, and the Doug Graham human, who owns Araphaho Gold.

When the Q&A was announced, the Doug human wasn’t too pleased: “What do you want me for? I’ve got nowt to say,” he said.

Then, once the microphone was switched on, you couldn’t bloody shut him up. The Gaffer and Chloe hardly got a word in.

Mind you, I did like the bit where he said: “Michael’s a brilliant trainer – he must be because he keeps telling me so.”

Even I laughed.

SINCE I last blogged, we’ve had a double at Catterick with Lady Gormire and Novamay.

They’re both fillies who fancy me like mad, but I’ve had to break the bad news to them about the G word.

Anyway, that aside, congrats to the Dominic Bardsley human, who owns Lady Gormire, and The Antico Alliance, who own Novamay.

Here’s to more success! In the meantime, sorry girls!

AS everyone knows, I'm a big fan of our stable apprentice, the Rhys Elliott human, but I'm disappointed to report he pulled a sickie the other day.

He phoned The Gaffer and said: “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today. I have a wee cough.”

 “You have a wee cough?” replied The Gaffer.

 “Really? Said Rhys. “That’s very nice of you - see you next week!”

FINALLY, a bit of an update on our travelling head lad, the Kenny Williams human. He’s been doing a few driving jobs on the side, and we’ve warned him it’s too much at his age.

Anyway, I hear that Kenny walked into the local GP practice, and the receptionist asked: “What do you have?”

“Shingles,” Kenny replied.

She took down his name, address and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later, a nurse’s aide came out and asked: “What do you have?”

“Shingles,” repeated Kenny.

She recorded his height, weight, and medical history, then told him to wait in the examining room.

Half an hour later, a nurse came in and asked: “What do you have?”

“Shingles,” Kenny explained yet again.

She took his blood pressure, drew some blood, performed an ECG, and told him to undress and wait for the doctor.

An hour later, the doctor came in, saw Kenny sitting there in the nude, and asked, “What do you have?”

“Shingles,” shouted Kenny, getting exasperated.

“Where?” asked the doctor.

Kenny pointed outside and said: “On the bloody truck. Where do you want me to unload ’em?”

THAT’S another load off my mind, folks. Bring carrots and watch yer manners!