Barney's Blog

The day Tommo got me all grumpy

Evening all,

WELL, there’s been a fair bit of excitement round here this week because we had a visit from a human known as Tommo, who’s well known from being on the telly.

Derek Thompson, to give him his full name, was making one of his "Morning Line Reborn" films. The humans round here got a bit starry-eyed, but I wasn’t that impressed if I'm honest.

For a start, he took far too long to get round to coming to see me. He was too interested in Dakota Gold for my liking, just because Goldy’s won a few races lately and was due to run at Ascot the next day. BIG BLOODY DEAL!

“Are you going to win Big Fella?” he asked Goldy. (Oh, how I wish I had a carrot for every time Tommo’s called a horse “Big Fella” over the years).

Then he tried to pretend that Goldy was nodding his head to say “yes” in answer to his question. The truth is that, if you watch the film on the gaffer's Facebook page earlier today, he was already nodding before Tommo asked the question. And the only reason he was nodding is because he had a fly buzzing round his head!

NEXT, Tommo had to have a chat with our human neighbour – a former footballer called David Hodgson, who played for Liverpool, Sunderland and Middlesbrough, and was manager of Darlington three times.

He’s a decent enough bloke, always says hello when he’s passing, but what’s clever about kicking a ball around in a pair of shorts?

Here he is in his Boro days. Nice tash, David.

TOMMO even wanted to talk to the Kenny Williams human, our Travelling Head Lad.

OK, so he used to ride the old Arlington Million winner, Teleprompter, on the gallops when he worked for Bill Watts, at Richmond, but that was 35 bloody years ago. How can he be ahead of me in the pecking order?

I WAITED patiently but Tommo decided to go up on the gallops with the Gaffer, completely ignoring me in my field as he passed by.

Eventually, he got round to paying me a visit, and that’s when he really went down in my estimation. I was standing with a couple of other horses – nobodies – either side of me, and he had the gall to ask: “Which one’s Barney?”

Honestly, I was tempted to bite the end off the big long pokey thing he talks into. “Which one’s Barney?” I’m a superstar, for God’s sake. Would he have asked “Which one’s Frankel?” Or “Which one’s Enable?” No, he bloody wouldn’t, and I’m every bit as famous as they are.

As you all know, I love the Carole human to bits, but I was a bit cross with her too, if I’m honest. Instead of giving Tommo a rollocking for not knowing who I was, she told him: “Barney’s the one with the grumpy face.”  What a cheek! As I’m sure you can tell from this blog, I’m not the grumpy type.

She then says on the film: “Barney’s been a good servant to us.” A good servant? I’m not a bloody servant! I’ve got the stupid humans bringing me food every day and brushing my coat, so you tell me who the servants are around here!

AND another thing – “Tommo” isn’t much of a nickname, is it? Not very imaginative at all. Not like “Goldy”. Or “Twisty” as I call Twist of Hay. Or “Knotty” (Get Knotted). Or “Brunchy” (Brunch}. Now, they’re good nicknames. Even David Hodgson has a decent nickname – Hodgy.

Talking of Brunch, Tommo asks the gaffer on the film “Is he a tasty bet”. I suppose he thinks he was being funny because Brunch is a meal that greedy humans eat when they can’t wait for lunch. Hilarious!

Unfortunately, Brunch didn't manage to taste victory at Redcar today but there was a winner at the seaside track called Blistering Barney. Great name! I'll be keeping my eye on him.

FINALLY, can you believe Tommo – despite clearly being loaded from all those years on the telly – didn’t even bring me a packet of Polos? Miserable bugger.

To be fair though, he did tell people to keep up to date by reading my blog – so maybe he’s not such a bad sort after all.

And on a serious note, despite all my grumpiness, it was a pleasure to have Tommo with us. He’s a legend who’s been a credit to racing. He started his career by sending point-to-point results to The Northern Echo as a 15-year-old pupil at Guisborough Grammar School, and it’s great to see he’s still going strong.

Come back soon, Big Fella!

• You can watch The Morning Line Reborn at www.facebook.com/themorninglinereborn/